Untitled....

A few years back, a neighborhood gangsta asked me...
"What motivates me to awaken everyday? What helps you keep the bad in this place away?"
I told him that I do heart surgery...he said, "What?"
I told him that I open my chest/book and let my heart fall on the paper.
I let the pen be the blood vein robbing my body of the bad blood and placing it on the sheet
in the form of.....
.....iambic pentameter/a heart beat.
My HEART then BEATS to HELP my WORDS flow FORTH
the BLOOD on the PAGE then HELPS someONE give BIRTH.....
.....to a newborn poem.
I told him to let the notebook lines be the suture for the stitches in your heart,
for without them your heart would fall apart.
He then asked, "What am I supposed to write about, when all I see around is my niggaz gettin gunned down? What do I say about the gov't that doesn't want me to succeed? How do I make the future better for my seed?"
I told him...
Don't worry what to write about,
when your heart starts to beat, the words will flow out.
Just make sure you come to surgery with the right tools in hand...
the pen...
the paper...
in the end you'll understand.
And what of the world that wants to hold you back you may ask...
Tell them you want to live...
tell them you want to love...
tell them you want to read a book, you want equal education, a college degree,
tell them you want to end modern day slavery...
tell them you want to march, repent of your sins and be born again...
....raise a respectable child...
you want to educate and be educated.
Tell them you want to take the gun's out of your niggas' palms so....
their high blood pressure can calm...
tell them you want to live...
tell them you want to love...
and tell whoever wants to still hold you back, that you can't hold back a beating heart...
with a strong pulse...
and that in order to stop you, they'd have to kill you first.
Oh, and the seeds you plant and want to grow?
Write a poem saying your seeds need water to sproud, so they need a gardener...
Tell the dead-beat dads they should stick around, instead of leaving their seeds
to grow with weeds...
....like a fading heartbeat, dead beats end up beat dead.
Once you've filled this paper with the blood from your heart...
close your chest/notebook and ball it up.
Throw the paper holding your heart in the trash because your next poem will outlive and be better than the last....
...and if there is something in your lifespan someone wants to retort,
tell them to go back and read your autopsy report.
Then ask them, "Do you still want to be like me?"
So this gangsta handed me his gun.
He then said..."I want to live."
He asked me what I thought and I told him...
...it was the best poem I've ever heard.

Call and response...

all of the top of the dome...


What she wrote...

as my thoughts crowd themselves and overflow, my heart cries with the ache of your missed presence...my mind can't wrap around the length of time stretched before us, as we wait, hardly able to see the silver lining on this rain cloud, the drops I feel are not welcome, my sunshine has gone away...there is none when you're not here...it's always too long...you're missed...

what I wrote...

listening to your heart cry drives me insane...dealing with the pain that is ...distance. Not distance between hearts...but distance between physical. Wanting your presence near...almost a fear of not basking in your shadow. Laying at night on half empty pillows, with a half empty heart. ..your lack of presence making me...incomplete...

Blazing a career path...I think?

Guess who's bizack...

Still on the grind...student year almost over...one more year until graduation.

Blah @ that.

I'm still confused about my career path. I mean, yeah my major is journalism, but do I really like to write that much that I want to work for a newspaper? Not really. Well...maybe. Only if I was a columnist. Some call me spoiled...I call me picky. Ultimately, I'd love to be working in PR, whether it be owning my own company, or helping someone run theirs. I could work for a magazine too, online or print.

I was recently presented with an opportunity to write for a beta blog about all things media from a "brown" POV, so I'm excited about what that could do for my writing, in terms of improving it, as well as getting some of it out there, and some more experience. Keep a look out for that...I'll let you know when it drops. (Jeri, I know you will probably get mad at me for not mentioning it, SORRY!!).

It's funny because for so long I would never let anyone know that I was unsure of what I want in my future. I'd lie and say I wanted to do one thing, knowing damn well, I didn't want that, and wondering to myself if I wanted anything for me. Now I'm not afraid to admit that I am not entirely sure what it is I want in terms of my employment future. I guess it's because before I felt abnormal, like I was the only one. Over the last couple months I've come to find out that that couldn't be further from the truth.

Lately, both me and Jeri have been trying to figure our lives out, and what makes that fun is being able to do that together. Knowing somebody has your back, your hand, and anything else you need for support. Y'all have no idea how much this helps. Thanks babes.

Anyway, keep a look out for ya boy! Whether it be Reginald Cunningham, or Reggie Noble....I'm on my way up! Ain't I got it goin on?

Free flow...

So I'm sitting on twitter (which I am now totally addicted to), and I received some advice from a friend. I mentioned to her that I was bored as hell, and she said whenever I'm bored, I should write...so here we go. Keep in mind, there is no format to this...just my free flowing thoughts...

So...

What's really hood with the Rams? I can't wait for the draft, then the new football season. I'm really hoping that they draft Aaron Curry. Really sad they released Orlando Pace and Torry Holt...but such is the business in the NFL.

Been watching movies all afternoon. The Last Boyscout just came on...haven't seen that in forever. We'll see if it holds my attention.

I'm wondering if I'm abnormal...this is for a few reasons. First off...I don't take anything seriously. I guess I just don't like worrying myself. I don't know. Second...I don't let my past situations effect similar ones in the future. That is to say, if I had a bad situation with a female, and I move on to another, and the same situation arises...I don't place the burdens of the past female on the present. I don't know why it's easy for me not to...it just is. It's so easy for me to let things go...and I don't know if that's normal. Is it?

This pepperoni stick is delicious.

Looking forward to spring break...need a break from school....hell I need to graduate while we talkin' lol.

Working on getting this internship in Columbus, OH with Favor Magazine (www.favor-mag.com). Talked to the CEO, Pamela Lowery, today...supposed to send her some writing samples...resume'. We'll see how that turns out...

OK...back to your regularly scheduled program.

Point/Counter-point

Why is it so hard for people to see the opposite side of an equation? You and your boyfriend/girlfriend have a disagreement, and because you refuse to see the other side...or acknowledge what they are saying, you get absolutely no where.

Don't get me wrong...I by no means am perfect, and am definitely guilty of this.

Why not acknowledge the other side though? Does that not make your argument stronger? I've always learned that acknowledging the opposing view point is vital in formulating a strong counter-argument.

But is this productive in a relationship?

Maybe....maybe not. Who knows...

OK...I promise...

....I'll blog more tonight...been kind of busy lately with articles for the paper and my writing for publication class. I'll do better...I PROMISE!!

5 minutes for blogging...

So...have you ever had one of those times where you've felt like writing and not really knew what to write? That's where my mind is at right now, so if this seems kind of random, please excuse me.

Chris Brown and Rihanna - So, I come into my room and turn on the television, and see that CNN is on. What disturbed me, was seeing 4 panelist arguing...not over Obama rescinding the bands on stem cell research....not over the withdrawl of troops in Iraq...but over Chris Brown, and Rihanna. Really CNN? Y'all couldn't find anything better to talk about? Wow. Where is this world headed?

Who Watches the Watchmen? Saw The Watchmen on thursday night...again on sunday. I happened to really like it, and it made me really want to see the movie. The story line was way deeper than I thought it would be. I thought the character arcs/development was very deep. The movie was basically a study of human nature, and I thought they did a great job.

Constantine...so I had an experience the other night...totally crazy. Had three "dreams in a row" that kinda had me shook. The third dream was the creepiest. Had just said a prayer for a peaceful sleep because of the prior 2 dreams, and as soon as I feel asleep...I felt like I woke up and couldn't move at all...couldn't open my mouth...etc. I felt like something was beside the bed, and I heard something talk in my ear. It felt like a demon presence, and it freaked me out. I actually got up and got in the bed with Mom...the first time I had done that in almost 15 years. I did some research on occurences like that, and came upon sleep paralysis. It said something about your body putting itself in paralysis while in REM sleep mode. It said sometimes your conscience wakes up but your body is still sleep, so essentially you're paralyzed. It mentioned that in a lot of cases, the person experiences hallucinations, and a feeling of weight on your chest etc. Basically all of the things I was experiencing. Interesting phenomenon. I wanna learn more about it, but I don't wanna scare myself lol.

anyway...love my baby...catch y'all on the flip....

feel me?