....to hell with that...lol
Sometimes there's no better word than bullshit.
It has been a very frustrating day, week, etc. I'm beginning to think that I'm a control freak. not one of those OCD wash my hands 29834723797 times control freaks. Just one of those people that doesn't like when things don't go according to how I want them to. I've been trying to work on that, and be ok with just letting things happen, but it's just not working, and I'm getting to a point where I'm just about ready to say eff it and keep it movin'.
I was on a message board that I frequent, http://www.dbyonline.net/forum/register.php?referrerid=1257, and a question came to me, which I posted. The question was, "Do you follow your own advice?" I sat back and thought about it, and tried to understand why people tend not to in some situations, and whether or not I do. I guess this is where the phrase, "Easier said than done" comes from. I guess the main advice I've given that I'm not following right now is that people aren't going to change unless they want to. I'm tired of being placed in the position to be the catalyst for change, and the person doesn't accept it. The frustrating part is that I know people don't change unless they have the want to. I guess that's what's frustrating is that I know it yet I keep ending up in those positions. Who knows, maybe I'm a glutton for punishment. Yeah I'm tired of being that too.
I'm just tired period y'all. I'm tired of stretching myself thin for people who wouldn't give a damn if I needed a nickel, or a hug for that matter. I'm tired of people asking for my help, then not accepting it when I go to give it. I'm tired of unappreciative women ... hell, people period.
Then I keep hurting people around me unintentionally. I was basically told today that I was selfish. I really don't try to be, it's just who I am I guess. I think it stems from the fact that I'm always there for so many other people, and always sacrificing my wants for others, and I get tired of doing that, but when I stop doing it I feel bad. That's when I start being called things like selfish, etc. Where is the happy medium? Is there one?
I'll be glad when spring break comes. I'm going back to Baltimore for a lil while. I need the vacation ... some time away from here, where I can sit back, relax, visit some old friends, and not have to worry about anything.
I'm just pretty frustrated with a lot of shit right now.